Go me!

As I get ready to pack up my stuff here in the UK and head back home to Los Angeles, a few things occurred to me. This whole experience, as challenging as it was at times, was a "big f*cking deal," to quote VP Biden. Why? Let's see...

I moved to a foreign country by myself. Not just visiting or in transit. Up and MOVED. I wasn't moving with my family, fiance, or friends. By. My. Self. I was born in England and had been to the UK quite a few times up until I moved. But visiting a place and moving there to live are two very different things, and boy, was I in for a surprise, and it was also scary. I didn't know anyone in Newcastle, so really I was pretty much on my own.

I survived living in a foreign country by myself. I figured because I was pretty familiar with the UK, it wouldn't be too hard to live here. Um...yeah, not so much. It's only when I started living here that I noticed how many little things that I took for granted in the US are different here. Looking back, whining about these differences does seem kind of petty, but when you're far from home, it all adds up to missing home more. The biggest shock was having to drive in the UK: on the other side of the road in a stickshift - talk about trial by fire. Thankfully, my dad taught me to drive a manual car about 10 years ago, but that was also the last time I drove a stick. Then I had to deal with roundabouts, motorways, different traffic rules, narrow streets and tight parking spaces....but guess what? I DID IT. I didn't get into a crash or injure myself or someone else (well maybe the car got injured when I scraped a pillar in a parking garage, but that's it). I can definitively say that I know how to drive on both sides of the road, automatic or manual transmission, in two countries.

I didn't go broke or (God forbid) die living in a foreign country by myself. With the exchange rate between the dollar and pound fluctuating and me getting paid in dollars, this was a real concern. However, I lucked out by finding a room in a house where all utilities (including internet) were included in the rent, which was a lot cheaper than what I would've been paying for my own apartment. With the room in the house came amazing roommates, Charlotte and Ben, who, despite not knowing me before I landed at their doorstep, were always ready, with cup of tea in hand, to comfort me in the depths of my homesickness or physical sickness. I did get hit with some nasty cold viruses in February, one right after the other, and Ben even offered to go to the clinic with me when I became worried about not getting better. Their warmth, humor, and care is something I will always be grateful for...oh, Charlotte would randomly bake us cake or cookies! I also was here during the coldest winter in 30 years, which was a shock to someone who had lived in California for the past 20+ years, but I made it through the snow, slush, and storms.

I realized that I am a very capable adult living in a foreign country. Up until I turned 30, I was always plagued with this feeling that my adulthood was...delayed? I mean I had a job, bills to pay, a social life etc., but I was still living at home with my parents while my friends slowly got married, bought houses, became pregnant, etc. While I know that each of us has our own time and place for stuff like that to happen, you can't help but compare yourself a little. Sure, I missed my parents terribly and the places and people I knew. But I think I did come into my adulthood fully by living here and reminded myself that I am quite capable of taking care of myself. There were a lot of times when I questioned my decision to move to the UK because I felt so lonely and miserable, yet I think I gained a strength and confidence by persevering. I also realized my capabilities in professional and personal capacities, which I hope will translate into new and improved career opportunities and a fulfilling personal life. Also? I'm probably the only out of my friends who got to live abroad, and not as a student. Cross that off the life list :)

I am thrilled and ecstatic to be returning home, but grateful for this experience. Even though I joke that if I don't come back to the UK or hear a British accent for a while that would be fine with me, this place was sort of my desert walk part two. For that reason, it will hold a significant place in my memory.

That said, I am SO ready to wear t-shirts and sandals for the next five months.

I found him...

“Find a guy who calls you beautiful instead of hot, who calls you back when you hang up on him, who will lie under the stars and listen to your heartbeat, or will stay awake just to watch you sleep ... Wait for the boy who kisses your forehead, who wants to show you off to the world when you are in sweats, who holds your hand in front of his friends, who thinks you’re just as pretty without makeup on. One who is constantly reminding you of how much he cares and how lucky his is to have you ... The one who turns to his friends and says, ‘That’s her.’”—Unknown

Stumbling Blocks

If you've read a few previous posts on my blog, it's clear I've been trying to lose weight for a while. I've been successful to some extent, losing about 30 pounds from my heaviest weight, which I will never ever let myself get back to. However, it still feels like there's something that's holding me back, so I've been trying to figure out what may be keeping me from achieving my weight loss goal. What is my block? Fear? Lack of control and self-discipline? Rebellion? An inability to visualize the end result? A self-defeatist attitude? What is it?

The fear I understand because what might happen after I lose all the weight I want to is a giant unknown. This body is what I've had my entire adult life -- I don't know anything different than this shape. How will my life change if -- no, when -- I lose the weight? Will I feel different? Will I be different? Will be treated differently by others? Will I get more attention from people? It seems like the fear has two facets: internally-based fear and externally-based fear. Part of me is terrified of the added attention I may get if I'm thinner and fitter...but is that attention bad? The other part of me is afraid that I'll somehow change as a person though, intellectually, I know I won't really change except for the better. I'll still be me, the same old Rabia, just in a nicer outer packaging. It probably links into my self-esteem issues, i.e., am I worthy of attention and feeling good about myself? Well, yes I am. I am awesome.

But where does my lack of control and self-discipline come from? Did that just never develop in me? I'm a terrible procrastinator and have been for a long time. If I don't like doing something, I won't do it, or I'll put it off for as long as I can. It's not like my parents were really enablers; certainly my dad isn't. Hmm...

That sort of brings me to rebellion. When I was younger, the rebellion aspect made sense -- parents tell me to watch what I eat, and I said, "To hell with that! I'll eat what I want. HA!" That only affected me, really, so that was a sucky way of rebelling. Now I don't have anything to rebel against. My relationship with my parents is great, and, for the most part, I'm happy with my life. So scratch rebellion off the list...unless it's rebellion against some societal definition of beauty? But no, that doesn't make sense either because why would I then pine for my body to become something like the beautiful female figures like those of Kim Kardashian, Beyonce, or Eva Mendes? Yeah, scratch rebellion off the list.

So that brings me to the inability to visualize my body at its ideal weight despite having Kim, Beyonce, Eva and other curvy ladies as paragons of beauty (kind of). They're healthy, not stick thin, and I definitely do not aspire to stick thin-ness. I even had a friend of mine Photoshop my face on to Kim Kardashian's body because she's my height and has a gorgeous body. The results were a bit hilarious, so even with that device, I couldn't visualize a fit, toned me. I do know that under my layers of extra fat is indeed a stunning body. I can sort of see its potential and strength, but I can't visualize the end result. What would really be awesome is getting my own body Photoshopped into a "final" version.

Even then, even after I get that great visual, will I still say to myself, "Oh that will never happen." Do I have a self-defeatist, I-give-up attitude? I like to think that I don't, and I have been quite successful in the past when I put my mind to and effort into eating healthily and working out regularly. What makes me fall off that wagon, and what makes it so hard to get back on when I know results are very possible?

Maybe it's laziness. Maybe it's physiological. Maybe my body is so used to being this way that it fights any process that wants to change it. Like I said, this body is all I can ever remember. But what's the reality of staying with what I know? A litany of possible afflictions -- heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, fatty liver, depression, anxiety, reproductive system and fertility issues, bone frailty and depression as I get older...the list goes on with what can ail you if you're even slightly overweight. My body has been overweight since I was nine years old. All of my adult life, I've been overweight -- for 21 years I've been overweight. That is a really, really long time. It's time for that to change, face my fears, and visualize a healthier, fitter, and stronger me. In this, my 30th year of life, I made a promise to myself and vowed to become healthy. God willing, I've got another 2/3 of my life to live, and I want to live it well...

UPDATE: Shortly after writing this post, I saw a quote from someone I follow on Twitter, Omar Dhillon -- "If you want something in life that you never had before, then by simple rule of thumb you have to make an effort for it like you have never done before in life." So true.

I got news recently that I can go back home to LA at the end of May, a full three months earlier than originally scheduled. Total relief! But now that poses the teeny problem of lugging my stuff home.

I brought a good chunk of my wardrobe with me here, but even that chunk isn't really that big. Regardless, there are lots of pieces in there that I've worn the heck out of, so it's high time to retire them. There are a few donation bins around the area, plus a lot of charities leave notices that they are going to come around and collect items for donation. The added bonus of all this is that, hopefully, my suitcases will be manageable for the flight back to LA. Then when I get to LA, there's that big chunk of my wardrobe that needs culling. It's almost a bit ridiculous how overflowing some of my drawers are and how there are some things in my closet that are brand new (with tags attached!). The same goes for shoes, and it always happens that there are like three or four pairs of shoes you actually end up wearing to death while the rest you got because either they were super cute or super cheap (or both -- score!).

None of my clothes are seriously falling apart and only a few shoes are un-salvageable, so if someone who really needs the clothes and shoes can make use of them, why not? I truly feel fortunate to be able to go buy whatever I want (within reason and budget) and to have the luxury to get rid of clothes and shoes I'm tired of wearing. In donating my stuff, I really hope it goes through legitimate charities who will get it to truly deserving people.

In keeping with the giving spirit, I am anxiously awaiting the release of Tom's Shoes wedges! If you haven't heard of Tom's Shoes, they're an awesome company that makes very comfy and funky shoes and boots. For every pair or shoes bought, they donate a pair to needy kids all over the world. You might have seen their Chief Giving Officer, Blake Mycoskie, on AT&T ads a while ago in the US (isn't he cute??). Anyway, back to the wedges -- they will be available in three nautical-inspired colors: red stripe, blue stripe, and yellow stripe; and also in solid colors (shown below via Running with Heels). I love wedges anyway, and to get some from Tom's would kind of be like two-for-the-price-of-one plus helping some cutie kids.

I'll take one of each, thanks!

(Disclaimer: Tom's did not pay me or anything to write about their shoes - I just love their shoes and the social responsibility at the core of the company.)

Then there are projects that await me when I get home. I've got a list that's a page long in my little notebook, but I'll just point out a couple to do with wardrobe organization. I think I picked up some inspiration from a bunch of blogs I stumbled across via L.L. and Smitten Kitchen (excellent food and cooking blog with SO many yummie recipes to try, some of which are on my to-do list when I go home). From L.L.'s blog, I went to The Everyday Minimalist, who had some lovely examples of creative ways to store jewelry and makeup. As I mentioned earlier, some of my drawers are a mess, and that includes my makeup and jewelry drawers. Some of my makeup is ridiculously old (as in I have no idea when I bought it), so stuff needs tossing, and other products have just been tossed in to baskets or caddies but not really organized. My jewelry is sort of half-organized in those crafting boxes that have lots of compartments, but there are some big statement necklaces that defy compartmentalizing, so why not turn them into quasi-functional art? That way I can also see what I have instead of getting stuck in a rut of wearing like 1/5th of my jewelry.

Speaking of not getting stuck in ruts, I devised a strategy to try to go through as much of my wardrobe as I can so some poor shirt or sweater isn't left languishing wondering, "Is she ever going to wear me? :(" In my room here in the UK, I've got a blank wall that only had a temperamental clock on it that sometimes ticked but mostly didn't. I took it down and put up five sets of hooks, positioned so that the bottom hook was a little bit higher than waist level. Those hooks then serve as a staging area for planning out the week's outfits. Observe:

That was the first-ever attempt, and I also chose shoes and accessories for each outfit. Doing this on Sunday afternoon saves me a TON of time during the week in the mornings. No more agonizing for half an hour over what to wear - you know what you're going to wear! No more running out of the door hungry because you didn't have time to eat breakfast. Heck, spend an extra 10 minutes on your hair because you CAN! This is probably the physical manifestation of my list-making, and boy, do I loooove making lists...and pretending I'm organized ;)

Fantastic Finds

Over the past month or so, I've found four products that have rocked my socks -- one literally did. I've been raving about them to my friends on an individual basis, so it made sense to write a blog post. Here we go!

1. Bourjois Healthy Mix Foundation

Normally I'm a bit wary about drug store foundations because it's usually a case of hit or miss. In the US, there are never testers, and those transparent card things some companies came our with aren't too helpful because the lighting is usually terrible. Add to that a notoriously difficult skin tone to match, and drug store foundations are almost always a bad idea.

Enter Boots in the UK. The larger Boots stores are kind of like Ulta, Sephora, and a CVS all wrapped in one. They've got high end stuff as well as the usual L'Oreal, Maybelline, etc. A couple of weeks ago, while trying to kick a nasty virus, I went to Boots to get some medicine, but of course got distracted by the make-up. And am I glad I did. Since they have testers out for everything, I tried a bunch of different inexpensive foundations and happened upon the Bourjois stuff. By that point, there were multiple stripes on my face, but this one blended in seamlessly. Not believing my eyes at first sight, I walked away and just got the other stuff in hand, including a ridiculously cheap eyeliner, but that's a different post. On my way home, though, and out in natural light, I took a look, and I was floored. Perfect match! I went back the next day and bought it.

A little bit goes a long way with this stuff, and the key is to use a good foundation brush and then stipple a bit with a good sponge to further blend. It has a thicker consistency than a lot of foundations, so it seems like it's pretty concentrated in terms of pigment. It will look cakey if you use a heavy hand, so blend, blend, blend! I also got the Lilas d'Or blush from Bourjois, which is a very close match to Nars Orgasm. I love Nars, but I don't want to spend $25 on a blush. Funnily enough, it's actually cheaper to buy Bourjois stuff in the UK than in the US right now because of the exchange rate. I have the foundation and blush on in the self-portrait in the previous post.

2. Lush "Big" and "Jumping Juniper" shampoos

I'd passed by Lush stores a lot, especially in San Francisco, but I never actually went in. What piqued my interest were the frequent mentions of Lush products on BubbleGarm, a beauty blog I just started reading (fantastic reads, by the way). Having a bit of time to kill before meeting a friend for lunch on Saturday, I went in to the Newcastle Lush store. After standing bewildered in front of the shampoos for a few minutes, a very helpful associate came by to ask me if I needed help (customer service in the UK! oh my! Also another post...). I told him I was interested in the shampoos and that my hair gets greasy easily yet is also getting, shall we say, "flakey."

He said the Jumping Juniper would be perfect and showed me how to use the solid shampoo, which in and of itself is an interesting concept. You work up a bit of a lather as you would with a bar of soap, and as you work the lather into your hair, it gets sudsier. He also gave me a sample of Big to try and said it works wonders on scalp issues, to the point where it can even soothe eczema.

I tried Big first because my hair had decided to get really grungey, really quickly. It was a bit odd to work with this stuff because it's actually half coarse sea salt, so the bigger salt chunks take a while to dissolve. Also, I don't think I worked up a good lather, and upon reading later reviews realized that had I stuck my head under the water for a couple of seconds then rubbed, it would have been bubbly. Anyway, I washed, didn't use conditioner as per Lush associate's suggestion, and let it air dry for the most part. Even while my hair was wet, I felt a difference. My hair felt clean, scalp scrubbed, ends had their acts together. As it dried, the faint jasmine scent lingered, and my hair felt ridiculously soft. Again, floored. I was in love at first wash!

This morning I tried the Jumping Juniper solid shampoo, and similar, awe-inspiring results. I always thought I needed shampoo, conditioner, then a leave-in product of some sort to tame my mane. Add heat styling to that, and it seemed like my hair had a split personality -- greasy at the roots, a bit frazzled at the ends. I managed to work up a good lather with Jumping Juniper, and I let it sit in my hair for a couple of minutes while I washed the rest of me. This also washed out nicely, and hair behaved while I dried and straightened it.

I think I'll go back over the weekend and properly investigate Lush's other stuff. Lush definitely has a new fan.

3. Kenneth Cole 925 Technology shoes

Since I'm on Kenneth Cole's email list, I actually found out about these shoes when they were first introduced by the company. I was very intrigued because it always seemed like there was a mutual exclusivity between cuteness and comfort. Cute shoes would kill your feet, and comfortable shoes were mostly ugly. Finding cute + comfortable shoes was like trying to find a legendary creature. Lots of people would claim they'd found that elusive combination, but they were usually hoaxes. These, dear readers, are living legends, if we continue with that analogy. The diagram below is pretty impressive and outlines what went into the shoes -- memory foam, arch support, flexible soles, ultrasoft leather, cork padding in the sole, etc.

I happened to receive a coupon from Kenneth Cole while I was home in California for a visit -- $50 off a $150 purchase. That was definitely incentive enough to go to the store and check out the shoes. Ladies, do yourself a favor, and go try on a pair. You feel the difference just standing in these shoes, and once you start walking, fuggeddaboudit. For my feet, arch support is always an issue, and in fact, they tend to cramp randomly (foot issues seem to be genetic -- my mom and grandmother also get cramps in their feet). The shoes with 925 technology have definite, substantial arch support, which is a welcome innovation in high heels. After lengthy deliberation, I went with a pair with about 3 inch heels that were marked down with an additional 30% off. I've worn them about three times so far, and everytime I wear them, I'm amazed at how comfortable the shoes are. They run about a half size too big, so if, for example you usually wear a 9, try on an 8.5 to compare.

There are a number of heel heights, variations on the pump style, and textures with the 925 Technology at Kenneth Cole. Definitely great as work staples, though it would be great if there were a bit more variety in terms of color and more than pointy toe pumps. There are some open toe and sandal styles with the technology, which is good. In an ideal world, I'd like every shoe to have these kinds of insoles, but for now, Kenneth Cole says that all the women's shoes will have the 925 Technology. God bless you, sir, for saving our soles.

Wow, it's been about 10 months since I last posted, which is no bueno. In my defense, I am much more active on Twitter, but still I left this blog to languish :( It just seems that whenever I sit down to write a post, I can't think of anything to write! Talk about a catch 22...

Anyway, I can at least update you on what's been going on in the past 10 months (assuming anyone is still reading!).

• I took a work assignment in England and am now living in Newcastle upon Tyne, which is about 300 miles north of London. I had the, um, "fortune" of experiencing the coldest winter in the UK in 30 years. Before I moved, I asked people whether winter is bad, and universally everyone said "No, not really." Needless to say, I was not prepared for all that snow, and thought it was nowhere near what the East Coast in the US got, the UK is definitely not prepared to deal with snow. It was tough to leave everyone I know and love, but the good thing is that the assignment ends August 31st. Still, it doesn't get any easier to come back to England after I've been home, and I'm usually a wreck the day I fly out.

• I lost a little bit more weight (about 10 pounds). I credit my trainer back in California and consistency. It helped to have an appointment to keep for four days of the week at 7:30 a.m. No, I'm not a morning person, but yes, I got my ass up and went to work out. Much better to get it done in the morning and not worry about it for the whole day. However, that whole routine inevitably went out the window when I got to England. I'm trying my hardest to get back into a consistent routine after working out off-and-on and then getting sick with two colds. Having my clothes look better on me and being able to fit into smaller sizes is a great feeling. I got rid of a whole bunch of old, now-too-big clothes and had to ask my mom to alter a couple of pants. Woo!

• I met the love of my life, and we want to get married (iA)!! We met back in August a couple of months before I left for England. Talk about timing! However, we both vowed to do everything in our power to make it work, and it is. He's loving, sweet, genuine, hilarious, smart, a hard-worker...everything I'd want in a husband and babydaddy :) He met my parents on one of his visits prior to my departure, and he met the rest of my family when I was home last time in February. Everyone thinks he's great and approves. Yay!

• Speaking of February, that's my birthday month, and I hit the big 3-o! Contrary to most people having mini-meltdowns upon turning 30, I, for one, was thrilled to enter my third decade of life. My twenties were hard and confusing and just generally blech. I feel like I have a much better sense of self and how to deal with life's challenges, which leads to a more mature presence. Twenty-something Robo was very prone to "Woe is me!" thinking, which doesn't do any good.

• After having lived in the United States since I was five years old, I'm finally in the process of becoming an American citizen. My parents were naturalized when I was 13 or 14 years old, but I kept my British citizenship. Funnily enough, it took living in England again for me to realize that, really, America is home. I grew up there, went to school there, and have reaped the benefits of living in America, so I should become a part of its citizenry. This isn't to say I'll be a flag-waving, gung-ho patriot because I do have issues with a lot of American policies, but hey, at least I'll be able to vote!

Here's very recent photo of me for reference purposes:

I'll do my best to keep writing, even if they're short posts. Chat soon, lovelies!

Robo minus 10 pounds...

I've mentioned my struggle with my weight before in this blog, and Lord knows I've tried all sorts of stuff to lose weight. However, the scale never really moved definitively in the negative direction; I kind of just fluctuated between the same ten pounds (+/- five pounds in either direction from a base weight).

Lately, though, I tried a couple of new tactic in terms of eating: lots of portion control and not eating after 7 p.m. or so. Those little bowls from Ikea are great for doling out the actual serving sizes for a lot of stuff -- cereal, rice, pasta, etc. I know the not-eating-in-the-evening is a bit controversial in that some say it makes a difference whereas others say it doesn't matter when you eat, it's what you eat. Regardless, I gave it a shot. It takes a lot of discipline to not eat after a certain time because you inevitably get hungry, but I find that by the time I do get hungry, it's time to sleep anyway :)

Exercise-wise, I actually didn't do as much as I did in previous months just due to my work schedule and my trainer's availability. I did keep going to my fencing class twice a week, and it's actually quite demanding. Fencing is very much interval cardio because everything is in short bursts, but it also requires control, focus, and sharp reflexes. It's lots of fun, so try it if you get a chance.

I felt the difference in my clothes for sure because stuff that used to be tight or uncomfortable or needed Spanx underneath to look decent now fits or is loose. I started feeling this difference about a month ago, but my scale said otherwise, and the numbers were the same. To it I said, "F*** you, scale. You lie." Recently, I even went down a size in H&M stuff, and lots of you will know how wonky their sizing can be. I couldn't find my scale this morning, so after my workout with my trainer this morning (the first workout in a few weeks), I weighed myself in the gym.

Ten. Pounds. Lost. And confirmed.

My reaction? "SWEET!!" I cannot tell you how thrilled I was to see the scale definitively indicate I'd lost weight as opposed to me just relying on how my clothes fit. THRILLED!

Here's a picture I took for fun in my office yesterday, and I think there's a definite difference in my face from February when I last posted photos.

Right then, on to the next ten pounds :)

Cute + Comfortable

So as my feet screamed bloody murder while I walked the streets of San Francisco (my heart is still there), I kept wondering why cute and comfortable are mutually exclusive, especially when it comes to shoes.

Let me back up for a second: I was in SF for a conference (the Game Developers Conference), and I brought what I thought would be relatively comfortable low-mid heels. I also packed a pair of Royal Elastics flats. Make that superflats. However, by the middle of day two, my feet...oi. So on day three, I switched to the RE flats, which were fine for the first couple of hours. But then I started feeling friction on my right pinky toe (= telltale forewarning of a blister) and developed an odd limp because my calves/Achilles tendons were sore. Might I add that those flats looked slightly silly with a pencil skirt and nice top. I ended up running to Walgreens to take preventive measures and got those J&J blister bandaids and Kushy Foot socks .

Now on the second day I was in SF, I stopped at the giant DSW on Powell Street on my way to the Moscone Center, and I saw that they had a few Faryl Robin and Corso Como shoes. I knew the Faryl Robins were supposed to be comfortable, but it was a pair of Corso Comos that caught my eye:

The ankle strap is slightly different in that it just goes around the ankle instead of criss-crossing. Anyhow, I put my achy feet into those shoes, and it was as if an angel choir descended from the heavens to sing its praises. Okay maybe it was just my feet breathing a sigh of relief, but the point is that these were seriously comfortable with a good, very walkable heel height. They were also $130. So I made a note of them and went on to the conference. I went back later that night to take another look...suffice it to say these babies were on my mind for a few days.

So finally on the last day I was in SF, I shelled out the $130 and bought them. After resting my feet all weekend and letting them recover, I wore them to work today. All I can say is I'm in love and really wish I'd gotten them sooner. Corso Como actually made the effort to include cushiony, soft footbeds with great quality leather. There is no need to break them in because the shoes are already so soft. No toe pokeage or seams cutting into the foot anywhere. In addition, the company also takes pains to be an ethical, eco-friendly manufacturer. There's a whole pamphlet included in every shoebox.

Anyway, I <3>

I'm also wondering if my mission in life is to make cute and comfortable shoes so that the women of the world can rejoice. Things that make you go hmm...

S-H-O-P in the UK! Kind of...

In my last post, I promised to show you the stuff I got from Asos, and smart me, I cleared out my temporary internet files, cookies, and history before I could do that. However, lucky for me, Asos keeps your order history in your account, complete with links to what you ordered! So, here we go:

I got this cape/tunic thing in grey with silver beading, and that's what I wore on my birthday (photos in last post). It's very glam earth mother, non?




















This clutch, though oversized, is a very useful size. I managed to fit my big wallet, phone, and camera in here along with lipstick and gloss quite comfortably. With most small clutches, even though you don't take that much stuff, it ends up getting messy, and you dig around for your things. The closure is fun, too, and there's a backup zip top underneath the fold.

















Okay, so I know a lot of people are all "EEEWWW harem pants!!" But really these are so freaking soft and comfortable, not to mention actually flattering, that I could live in them. Also, the other thing that made me love them is that I ordered an XL to be on the safe side, but they were TOO BIG! Thrilling, I tell you. No giant poopy crotch either.

For the record, though, I cannot get behind the cropped harem pants or dhoti pants (featured in the March issue of Elle). That's just asking for stuff to be out of proportion and look like you've got room to take a dump. Also, close fitting, structured tops look much better with these kinds of pants, but of course you knew that.








Classic white pencil skirt. Really I should live in pencil skirts. However, on me, this sits way higher (like under my boobs higher) because I have much wider hips than the moddle. Perhaps by summer, the skirt will sit where it's supposed to.


















Very cool, funky ring. I wore that with the grey cape/tunic. Just enough bling, y'know?

These earrings are fun because they're two of my favourite colours, but if you look closely, it's also a peacock! They're also superlight, so a breeze to wear.

Super cool statement ring that looks like something you'd find at an ancient archaeological dig. I think that's probably why I was drawn to it because I'm the geek who watches stuff on Egypt, Rome, etc. on the History, Discovery, and National Geographic Channels any chance I get. I haven't worn this ring yet though.

Unfortunately, I lost this ring the first night I wore it. It was a little big big, and I had to adjust my hair, so I took it off while in my friend's car. I forgot it was on my lap, stood up and walked into the restaurant, but noticed much later that my ring was gone. I tried calling the place to see if they found it in the lot, but alas, no luck.

I loved the colour of this dress, and usually I don't do strapless dresses because of bra issues. However, at the time I purchased this, the price was too reasonable for me to let it go. It was orignally one of the potential dresses for my birthday, but I didn't have the time to get a really good strapless bra with it, plus it seemed a bit too fancy just for a dinner out. It's living quietly in my closet for now. Oh, also, I think they styled that side strap wrong in the photo. It should really go across the chest, so from under the right boob to the left shoulder.

I also got this dress as a potential birthday dress, but I didn't realise how short it would be. And tight (whoops sizing). I'd have to either lose weight or wear my Spanx to look decent in the dress, but even so, it's the length of the skirt that I'm not too fond of. It stops and mid thigh, and all my other stuff is knee length. I'm debating whether to just detach that skirt and wear it with a regular black pencil skirt.

So what do you think? Good loot, yes? Shipping to the US is also $6-7, which is a lot cheaper than some of the US-based sites. Orders take about a week to 10 days to arrive, which is also reasonable, and they cannot expedite shipping to the US, but whatever.

Please also excuse the wonky layout. I couldn't get the spacing right (help from veteran bloggers will be much appreciated!).

Guess who's back...back again?

Thank you so much for all your kind compliments on the last haircut :) However, I was a bit horrified to see that that post was from December. I haven't written anything in three months?? Bad, bad Robo.

So, the past three months haven't been very eventful, which is both a good and bad thing. I rang in the New Year uneventfully by keeping my friend Liz in Michigan company as she wrote up a paper to present at a conference. The perk of doing that celebrating the New Year in two different time zones. I also went to Atlanta for the first time in January for work, and it was far from "Hotlanta" -- 20 degrees + windy = BRRRR! The plus side was that we got to stay at the Ritz-Carlton in Buckhead (Bulgari toiletries?? Score!).

February is always a busy month because of a bunch of birthdays and anniversaries. My sister's birthday was on the 9th, my parents' anniversary is on the 10th, and mine is on the 19th. I managed to find some cute stuff to give my sister for her birthday, all from the fabulous UK site http://www.asos.com/. Seriously, there are some great deals in their clearance section, even with the pound/dollar exchange rate. There was a cute, sort of bling guitar necklace and an "I <3>

My parents were much harder to get something for, and it was their 30th anniversary to boot. They went to Vegas for the weekend, and in the end, with the help of my friend Amierah, I decided to get them tickets to Mama Mia! when it comes to town. They seemed to enjoy Rent when they saw it in New York, and they love songs from their college days.

And then my birthday rolled around. It was actually a really good one, and I just found it funny how everyone was like "OMG you're one step closer to 30!! Isn't that terrible?!?!" No, it isn't terrible actually, because my 20s were HARD. I say bring on 30. It's the new 20 anyway, isn't it? My parents took me out for lunch and dinner on my birthday and then that Saturday, I went out with the boyfriend and friends to dinner in LA. We went to Katsuya, which has some of the best sushi I've ever, ever had. On top of that, my friend Reshma, who organised the festivities, managed to get us a sectioned off, private dining area. Sadly, she couldn't make it to the party because she became very ill that day, but homegirl did good.

AND I feel compelled to tell you all, especially the ones who loved my last haircut, that I cut my hair again on Saturday. This time I went for the Pob/Katie Holmes first foray into short hair. What's funny/ironic is that Jonathan Antin (of Bravo TV's "Blow Out" fame) happened to be at Katsuya, and I was dying to ask him what he thought of my hair. But he was with a bunch of friends, and that would've just been a country bumpkin thing to do.

A picture (probably the only one where I don't have crazy red eye, but unfortunately, no one got the side or back view):

That top is also from Asos, and it's a cross between a tunic and poncho, but very pretty. They may be sold out of it now though...sorry! I'll show you all the stuff I got from Asos in the next post.

Oh, I'm also on Twitter (http://www.twitter.com/rabzz), so feel free to follow. I'm usually better about updating that than my blog :)

I did it!

D-day was today for the haircut, and here are the before and after photos:

Wet-haired "before" -- not the most flattering of photos, but you can get an idea of how long my hair was.

A side view.

The final result!

I'm pretty pleased with it, but it will take some getting used to after having long hair for a while. It feels much lighter and freer, though, so that's a good thing. I also feel very old, '30s Hollywood glam. What's your verdict? Yay or nay?

A hairy issue

I'm contemplating a haircut, and suffice it to say, it will be sort of drastic. Right now, my hair is down to the middle of my back, and even though it's pretty, I'm beginning to reach the point where I can't manage it, so...time for a cut. Using a makeover website, I gave myself two virtual haircuts, and I'd like your opinion on which one you like better. I'm not going to colour my hair -- just sticking to the natural black. Also, even though the second cut doesn't show bangs, I'd keep mine, albeit side-swept. One more thing: either cut wouldn't be quite as short as the "originals." The length would be mid-neck length.

Anyway, 'nough said, just take a look and let me know what you think :)

Katie Holmes style bob.

Rihanna/Posh style bob.

I'm the firestarter!!

Okay, no I'm not, but if you've watched the news recently, you probably heard about the wildfires in Southern California. One of the major fires is, like, in my backyard almost. Well, that's a slight exaggeration, but the major road along which the "Freeway Complex" fire is happening is actually my route to work -- Carbon Canyon Road. It's been a bit nerve wracking because the winds kick up every so often and fan the flames, and you can't always tell which way they're going to blow. Plus embers from the fire can be blown a few miles to another area and spark fire there. It's been very dry and hot, so there's no moisture in the air. Here are a couple of pictures of what the smoke looked like from Chino Hills yesterday afternoon:

The dude in blue in the foreground is actually a firefighter. I overheard him say that he'd just finished a 24 hour shift, and one of the engines was there loading up on food. God bless the firefighters, seriously.

I was at our local shopping center when I took that picture, and my house is about two miles closer to those fires. We've gathered important stuff together just in case we have to evacuate because we're literally surrounded by fire...eek!

Although, before everyone freaks out and goes "OMG WTF is with these fires every year?!" I'd like to remind/inform you that fires are a natural part of Southern California's ecosystem. There is a "fire season," and they do happen every year in some part of the area. In fact, the native plants have evolved and adapted so as to make their seeds and core parts fire resistant. The thing is that we just end up building homes right smack in the middle of places that are prone to fire.

Hopefully (inshAllah), we'll all be fine, but it's been stressful having this thing right behind my house. Not a disco inferno, that's for sure.

Trick or Treat or Tag!

Happy Sunday, everyone! I'm currently up in Northern California for work (and pleasure), and I'm constantly reminded about how much I loved this place. I think I truly left my heart in San Francisco, but I think the real reason I'm attached to the Bay Area is because it's where I was tested and found out what I'm capable and made of. I think the place where you spend your formative years, whether at a child and/or adult stage, hold a special place in your heart. For example, England is also special to me because my earliest memories are from when my family and I lived there. Even though we left the UK when I was four years old, it still feels like home when I go there.

Anyhow, I'll be up in San Francisco until Halloween...speaking of which, here's a picture of one of my best friends, Sara (I'm staying with her), and me before a Halloween part we went to on Friday. A few of her friends, who were part of a larger group of friends, dressed up as various characters from X-Men:

Bonus points for those who know what characters we were dressed up as!

On another note, I've been tagged by Miss A over at Roccapuccia to answer some random questions about me:

4 Things I Did Today:

• Made the filling for potato samosas
• Re-packed my suitcase and duffel bag
• Drank some really good Persian-style tea
• Brushed my teeth? (It's been an uneventful Sunday.)

4 Things On My To-Do List:

• Get back into my work out/eat right routine properly so I can run a 5K (and eventually do a full marathon...that's if I find some discipline in me somewhere)
• Start work on my business idea (currently in stealth mode because I don't want anyone to jack my idea)
• Make biryani and samosas for Sara today
• Scope out Loehmann's in SF and see if they've got the epic leather jacket I saw at the San Diego Loehmann's

4 Guilty Pleasures:

• The Hills although half the time it's not a pleasure because I want to smack Spencer really hard for his a-holery
• The Pussycat Dolls
• McDonald's Southern Style Chicken biscuit and sandwich
• Looking at shoes online

4 Random Facts About Me:

• I've lived in six different places in my life (the UK; Libya; Cleveland; two suburbs of LA; and San Francisco).
• I can drive a stickshift.
• I have two astrological signs (Aquarius and Pisces) because I was born on the cusp.
• One of the best dreams I ever had was being on Project Runway, and when I woke up, I sketched the dress from my dream.

I'm tagging Cybill, SuperKawaiiMama, and Princess Poochie...

More Mehndi

Diwali is coming up for the Hindu community, and if I've got it straight, Karvachauth, the day when wives fast for their husbands' long lives commences the countdown to Diwali, the festival of lights. Women get mehndi (henna) done to celebrate and as good luck, so I'd been doing that for them on Wednesday and Thursday nights. Here are two ladies' hands. My neck was completely a wreck on Friday from being hunched over for most of Thursday, but everyone loved their mehndi, so it was (kind of) worth it. Part of me wonders if I'm putting too much effort into the designs given that I don't charge that much...yet!

A Good Canvas

On a (much) lighter note from my last post, I'd like to get some of your opinions on some foundation I purchased. I went into Nieman Marcus to get the Chanel Kaleidoscope nail polish (totally overrated because I have a Revlon nail polish that's pretty much the same thing), and I ended up stopping at the Armani counter. The intention was to give the Face Fabric tinted moisturiser a go, but somehow the lady got me to try the fluid foundation. I know Armani's foundation is THE best out there, but my concern was that perhaps it was a bit more coverage than I needed. Thankfully, my skin has cleared up a lot in the past few years, and its tone is not too disastrous. Below are two pictures, one take with minimal makeup (but post-haircut) and one with full makeup, including the Armani foundation. What do you think? Admittedly, the lighting is a bit off in the second one, so I don't know whether you can really tell the difference. I think I'll also test out the foundation in daylight and see how I feel about it. In the meantime, comments and suggestions are appreciated :)

Who blames who?

Ramadan is almost over, and with the end of the holy month of fasting and reflection for Muslims comes a day of celebration, Eid-ul-Fitr. Depending on the sighting on the moon, it can be September 30 or October 1. It's an important time for Muslims, and it is supposed to be peaceful, yet recent attacks in various locations seem to shatter this notion: the bombing of the Marriott Hotel in Islamabad, the bombing of a market in Iraq, and now an attack on a mosque in Dayton, Ohio. Right here in the United States of America, a place supposedly "the land of the free" where freedom of religion is held sacrosanct, a congregation of Muslims praying was attacked by someone spraying a "chemical irritant" into a prayer hall where women and children were gathered.

Here is a link to the story: http://www.dailykos.com/storyonly/2008/9/28/203016/697/536/613742

Now this makes me wonder who the terrorists really are? Does this make whoever attacked these innocent women and children, many of whom are refugees from Iraq, better than the crazy Al-Qaedans? Are they really upholding national security and protecting us from another bombing by targeting little kids? On top of all this, it turns out that there is a propaganda DVD circling about entitled Obsessions: Radical Islam's War Against the West, which is being produced and distributed by an obscure organisation, Clarion, and is supposed to help Senator McCain's bid for the presidency. In addition, it is also endorsed by the chair of the counter-terrorism department of the US Naval War College. But that's not all; Clarion is also tied to a very pro-Israel organisation, Aish HaTorah (source: http://www.npr.org/blogs/secretmoney/2008/09/new_details_emerge_about_radic.html).

All of this brings me to back to the numerous assertions that Iran should not be allowed to develop or acquire nuclear weapons because of Ahmedinijad's threat to "wipe Israel off the map." This point was also brought up by McCain during the debates last week, and he claimed that we need to avert a "second Holocaust." My concerns with these stances are threefold: 1) nuclear weapons should not be developed, acquired, provided, or sold AT ALL; 2) Iran really will not be so foolhardy to nuke Israel because it is home to the third holiest city to Muslims -- Jerusalem; and 3) there have been more holocausts since the one against the Jews in World War II.

People often forget or simply do not know that Jerusalem is as important to Muslims as it is to Christians and Jews. That is what the Crusades were fought over, after all, but the reason it is important is because it holds a high place in the development of Islam. It is where the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) ascended to heaven from a certain rock (now housed under the Dome of the Rock) and met all the previous prophets, including Moses and Jesus. Backing up from this point, many people do not realise that Islam is a progression of Judaism and Christianity...Judaism 3.0, if you will. (Yes, I know that's going to ruffle some feathers, but if one actually reads the Qur'an, the stories of Adam and Eve, Noah, the Israelites in Egypt being lead out by Moses, Joseph, Jesus, etc., are all in there. In fact, there are numerous references to "bani Israelah" (nation/children of Israel) and what was decreed to them by God. Islam built upon the principles revealed to all of those prophets and was the last version, according to the teachings.) Going back one more point, since Islam is a progression of Judaism and Christianity, God is the same for all three religions, but He is just referred to with different names. Shakespeare had a point when he said a rose by any other name would smell as sweet. God, Yahweh, Jehovah, Allah, Krishna, Rama, Buddha, whatever...all names for the same deity.

Fast forwarding to today, it does not make any sense to arm Israel to the teeth with nukes (no one bats an eyelash at that), fighter jets, missiles, tanks, and other state of the art equipment when their nearest opponents have rocks, dinky rocket launchers, or suicide bombers driven to despair. No other country in the region can match Israel for firepower, nor will the presence of American military forces allow those countries to attempt to match Israel's military capabilities. Iran is the rebel in this regard, and the only reason it's rubbing America the wrong way is because it's not acquiescing to the status quo. I don't agree with Ahmedinijad's statements because Israel is there, and it wouldn't be fair to the people living there either to destroy them. I have nothing against Jewish people because I've met quite a few, and most of them are pretty cool. However, where is the balance in this situation? Why are American officials so adamant in the protection of Israel against some bogeyman of potential threats? Why is it okay for Israel along with the US, Russia, France, England, and China to have nuclear weapons, but cries of alarm go up when anyone else tries to acquire or develop them? We already saw the destructive capabilities of nuclear weapons in Hiroshima and Nagasaki at the end of WWII. We should never, ever have to live with that threat.

The Holocaust was a horrible, horrible event marking a very dark period in human history, and no, it should never be forgotten. In that same spirit, though, current day holocausts should not be allowed to happen either -- Darfur, Rwanda, Uganda, Iraqi civillians, victims of HIV/AIDS, malnutrition, poverty, disease, etc. The difference here is that none of these areas are of "vital interest" to the United States. Millions have died and suffered in Africa, but unless there is some vital resource involved, i.e., oil, no American intervention takes place. As Bono said, $25 billion can send all of the world's children to school, yet here we are debating a $700 billion bail out for failed banks. That is an almost astronomical amount of money. Imagine if all that money was channeled into development programmes, medical care, education, infrastructure...the possibilities could've been endless.

This world...I try to keep hope alive, but recently it's been very, very difficult to believe that humans are not hellbent on destroying themselves. At least in this time of high holy days with the end of Ramadan, Rosh Hashannah, and Diwali, to name a few events, I hope that all of us reflect and pray for a better, more peaceful future. If not for ourselves, then for our children.

Passions

No, not that cheesy soap opera, but things that we're passionate about. The boy asked me today if I'm happy with my job, and I said yes, I am. And it is a good job with cool people dealing with interesting things. But then the boy hit the nail on the head by asking if I could do something I was passionate about, would this be it? I laughed and said, no, it would be something else entirely. Something creative. Business development v. creative stuff. Go figure.

I am working on getting a mehndi (henna) venture started, and I've got my first job coming up next month for a bride and her friends and family. I've done mehndi for friends and family before, including for a couple of my friends who were getting married. For those of you who don't know, mehndi on a bride is an elaborate affair where the designs usually go up to the elbows on the arms and adorn the feet as well. I will update with pictures when I'm back home tonight. Anyhow, my close friends have been telling me to charge people for years, and I know some ladies who make quite a bit of money doing mehndi for events and brides. So now, I'm finally making that move myself, and part of me wonders if I'm answering my calling.

The goal in launching this...business is to make it unlike any mehndi service currently being offered. I envision creating a brand and a professional version of what the "aunties" already do. Without going into lots of detail, there's a whole marketing plan in the works (with the help of my fabulous consultant friend, Nazneen, and the rest of my very supportive girl friends). The long term goal is to open some sort of loungey retreat for brides to relax in the midst of wedding planning and preparation or for a group of girl friends to have a fun day/night out. In my mind, it sounds like a good idea, but will it work out in practice? We shall see, I suppose...

The thing is that I have a vague feeling that life will take some funny turn or move forward in an unexpected way. I'm not opposed to that; it's the twists and turns that make life interesting and help us grow. I just wish I knew when that crazy loop in the life rollercoaster was coming.

Update:
As promised, here are pictures of some mehndi I've done. You'll see that there's a lot of detail involved, but that's one style. The design aesthetic and level of detail change depending on geographic area (South Asia, Middle East, North Africa). North African designs are geometric; Middle Eastern designs are more floral with more subtle variations in Persian designs, which include knotwork; and South Asian designs have floral, paisley, and intricate designs.

That's a recent bride's mehdni, which, as you can see goes up to the elbows. Front and back.

Same bride's feet.

Mehndi for my friend Nazneen's engagement party.

Bridal mehndi for my friend Seema.

Sell out! With me oh yeah...

Okay so this is a cop out of a post, but I needed to write a new one, and something is better than nothing:

1) Do you like blue cheese?
No, too pungent.

2) Have you ever smoked heroin?
No, I have not.

3) Do you own guns?
I got guns...on my arms! Nyuk, nyuk *ahem* No, I do not own firearms.

4) What flavor do you add to your drink at sonic?
Never been to Sonic, and their drinks all look like knock-offs of other chains' drinks.

5) Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
Nah not really. Although I might wig out a bit before getting the rest of my wisdom teeth pulled.

6) What do you think of hot dogs?
They need to cool off?

7) Favorite Christmas song?
Yuck, none. Okay maaaaaybe "Last Christmas," but that's only because I love George Michael.

8) What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Something liquid.

9) Can you do push ups?
Girlie ones.

10) Can you do a chin up?
I try keeping my chin up, but you know, things get tough sometimes.

11) What’s your favorite piece of jewelry?
Oh gosh, I have lots of great jewelry, but I'll say my San Francisco-Peruvian earrings.

12) Favorite hobby?
Sleeping...and shopping. Not necessarily in that order. Eating comes in a close third.

13) Ever been in a car wreck?
Yes, but nothing too serious, thank God.

15) What’s one trait that you hate about yourself?
I have to pick one?? Fine. Crying when I'm angry.

16) Middle name?
No tengo.

17) Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
My hair is so freakin' long!
This place is a mess.
I feel it in my fingers, I feel it in my toooes.

18) Name 3 things you bought yesterday?
Frozen yogurt
Gas
That's it

19) Name 3 drinks you regularly drink?
Chai
Water
Diet Coke

20) Current worry?
Bills, bills, bills. And losing weight.

22) Favorite fruit?
I have lots. Strawberries, blueberries, blackberries, apples, guavas, pomegranates...

23) How did you bring in the New Year?
I think Liz and I were commiserating about how crappy our New Year's Eves were.

24) Where would you like to go?
Where do I start? San Francisco, England, Australia, France, Italy, Spain, Greece, Turkey, Egypt, Morocco, Tunisia -- the list is quite long.

26) Do you own slippers?
Indeedily -- leopard print ones -- but I rarely wear them.

27) What shirt are you wearing?
An Old Navy cerulean blue tee-shirt with dark navy flower print on the sides.

29) Can you whistle?
Sometimes.

30) Favorite color?
Turquoise and emerald green.

32) What songs do you sing in the shower?
Whatever pops into the broken radio that is my mind.

33) Favorite girl’s name?
Shezreh

32) Favorite Boys name?
I'm not sure.

35) What’s in your pocket?
Je ne l'ai pas.

36) Last thing that made you laugh?
A comment Rahil made about a robe being the ultimate in slacker wear.

37) Best bed sheets as a child?
These pastel ones that had sort of a quilt pattern, but they were uber soft.

38) Worst injury you’ve ever had?
Slicing off a tiny part of my thumb with the Superslicer (aka a mandolin). That thing bled for like six hours.

39) Do you love where you live?
Love? No.

40) How many TVs do you have in your house?
Five.

42) How many dogs do you have?
Zero. Not everyone has a dog...sheesh.

45) What is your favorite book?
Also have many of those, but among the favourites are Harry Potter, Girl with a Pearl Earring, and The Count of Monte Cristo.

46) What is your favorite candy?
Chocolate. Dark. And Cadbury's Turkish Delight from the UK.

47) Favorite Sports Team?
I don't really have one.

48) What song do you want played at your funeral?
Hm, we don't usually do songs at our funerals, but maybe "Jaan" by Talvin Singh.

49) What were you doing 12 AM last night?
Falling asleep in bed with the headache and toothache of doom.

50) What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
Stupid sun. I can already feel the heat in my fingers.

eBay Update

So I got all three shoes I won, and sadly, the '50s vintage ones do not fit. Well, I can get the black ones on, but then my circulation gets cut off about three minutes later. The cream/yellow ones are totally a no-go, which is a shame because they are totally adorable in real life. I didn't think my feet were that wide, but I guess women had very narrow feet back then. Either that or it just so happened that ones I got were tres narrow. I'll probably put them back on eBay, but if any of you have got long, narrow feet and fancy the black "deco" or the cream/yellow shoes, let me know, and we can discuss.

In hat news, there was an all out last minute bidding war over this one slanted burgundy fedora with feather trim. However, I won. I also won a cute, floppy navy blue hat with grommets, and that arrived today. I'm not so sure about how it looks on me, though. Perhaps I'll post a picture of me in both hats when I get the burgundy one, too.

I never thought of myself as competitive, but oh my, eBay brings out the mean, cursing-like-a-sailor competitor in me. This means more care will be needed in what I choose to bid on because a) I don't really need more stress in my life, and b) those last minute bidders are sneaky. And that drives prices up, which then almost defeats the purpose of eBay. Ah, such a catch-22.

Stay tuned and watch this space!